Wednesday, February 01, 2006

A Short Tale of Stupidity...or, gee where have I heard that??

This particular story begins in the afternoon a few days before Christmas. Rubi and I had gone to breakfast that morning and I had some pancakes. Not a really good idea for a borderline diabetic, I have lost 160 lbs. Since August 2004 and sometimes forget about my diabetes, anyway we had breakfast and had too much sugar. That afternoon I began to experience the symptoms of low blood sugar (my medicine was tricked into producing more insulin) sweats, chills, disorientation, queasiness, and generally feeling punk. I knew what to do and devoured a couple of oranges and lay back till it subsided.
A few hours later, right before dinner it happened again! Exhausted I decided to lay down for a nap, I had put on my Oxygen cannula (nose piece) and Rubi handed me a joint to relax.
I layed down, light the joint, and got about a third of it smoked before the ember from the joint ignighted my oxygen and my whole face was suddenly engulfed in flames!!!
It was one of the most terrifying things that I have ever endured, and I have been shocked, in car accidents, and have lived through two heart attacks!!
It happened suddenly, but thankfully Rubi knew immediately what to do and grabbed some ice and put it on my nose. I was in shock, but having been a chef for so long, knew what to do as well. Our only error was not calling 911, instead we jumped in the car and zoomed to the emergency room.
She was in as much shock as I was, and tried to make a turn where there weren't no turn, and we had to drive in the middle lane for half a block. Just my luck, as we make the turn to the hospital, the sounds of sirens and red and blue lights! Obvious as it was that I was in agony, this jack-booted man in blue decides to school Rubi about the dangers of driving so hazardously (nevermind the fact my face is cooked and blistering up nicely) and has to run her license and registration. After wasting a good five minutes, this compassionate young man graciously allowed us to proceed to the ER(but tailed us all the way there,instead of providing an escort).
When I arrived at ER the nurses took me right in and had me on a gurney right away. I had a hell of a time explaining what had happened! And from the admissions clerk to the on call Doctor they all had a hell of a time keeping a straight face considering the severity of the burns to my nostrils, nose, and lip. And I tried to take it in stride...All I can say is it was a very good thing I got a 15 mg. shot of morphine sulfate in my butt, good for the assbite in the hall I overheard asking the night nurse how "burning man" was doing... by then I couldn't sit up, much less smack some wise ass. Since then I have heard them all, and have made a few jokes of my own. What else could one do? I know now I was on borrowed time, because I had done the same thing many, many times before. I definitely have an angel on my shoulder. I could have caught Rubi on fire or blown the whole damn building up! And speaking of angels, the Doctor decided due to my heart condition etc. that I should stay overnight in ICU. And although I was quite anxious from not only the days events, but my previous stay in that room, was no pic-nic. But things got better right away. My evenings stay was made comfortable not only chemically, but my nurses for the evening were blonde, in their late 20's, drop dead beautiful, and...twins! Even Rubi commented on how well cared for I was that night, and knew I was too loaded and too old to do anything even if I wanted, made for grate phantasy though (they were deadheads too!) none the less...LOL
Well I am all healed up now,got a couple of new nicknames (PUFF is one),not too worse for wear, and consider myself one lucky S.O.B., and I don't smoke my doobies near my O2. And get a chuckle thinking about dumbass move #3,463 and laugh right along with everyone else that hears about it.

No comments:

Post a Comment