Saturday, October 15, 2005

HEAD OF LETTUCE

Or Pay Attention-
This is another true story:
In the summer of 99 I found myself homeless once again, and once again I found myself in Bayview Campground in Emerald Bay.
I had been there for a month and had made friends with the camp host. Upon the hosts departure (summer was pretty much over), he said I could have all the firewood left at his campsite. Well once again the tree stooges were together, Ryan,me,and my brother John. And had a few in us, and we all went down to the woodpile to haul it back to camp. Upon arriving we discovered another camper taking my wood. Well I ended up giving the guy enough for a good campfire, and went about hucking the wood to my camp at good old number nine. Which since this story I have been back to many times. I like 9 because it is at the back of the grounds on a little rise with a big meadow next to it.
Well after hauling all that wood, me and the boys were thirsty and proceeded to work on the beer in the cooler. Since we had all that wood we lit a fire and found a few rounds to sit on and shoot the shit.
When the guy from the woodpile came up to my campsite with his girl, well we offered this scummy looking dude a beer and struck up a conversation. Now this guy had the just got out of the joint look to him, you know black tattoos from cuff to wherever(didn't check) long grey hair, pony-tail and beard, pretty skinny too.
After having a beer or two John pulls out a pint of vodka and passes it to me, and I pass it to Ryan, by this time the pint was half empty, and he hands it to criminal dood who proceeds to pour the rest into his gatorade and doesn't pass it on. We noticed but let it go as we were all shitted and by that point it didn't matter. This guy was looking for a fight and after sizing up myself and my brother, he decided his best option was the skinny young guy...
Apparently dude had had more than a few his ownself and started kinda yammering some kind of bullshit at Jim, who wasn't paying attention to this a-hole. He started saying "you are not paying attention, PAY ATTENTION!" he said it about 5 times and we all pretty much ignored him and were trading comments back and forth between the stooges, until Mr. Ryan had his fill of the guy and said "You are soft", a couple of times.
I had no idea what was going to happen next, when this guy gets up and walks around the campfire and pauses and hands me his smoke. I took it and watched him continue around till he gets to Ryan.
Next thing you know the guy throws a roundhouse swing and hits Ryan in the head so hard it knocked Jim off of his round of wood. At this point I need to describe Mr.Ryan, He I 6'4" and about 175 lbs', he climbs trees for a living and is in very,very good shape, he is a big,blue eyed, Irishman from Boston who probably started as many fights as he's ended and would never walk away from a fight! He's like a fucking Viking! Jim gets up at this point and turns on this poor fool. Well I didn't count but Jim basically using a left hook, walks this guy backward, smacking him in the head! The sound reminded me of when I was a cook and would pound my fist on the lettuce heart to dislodge it. This guy got dislodged all the way down into the meadow where he fell backward and took a little dirt nap. John and I were in hysterics and high fived Jim as he walked back to the fire. And I think the ex-con got his bell rung more than a little, because he got up yelling how we were all friends, but stayed way back as his girl finally talked him back to reality and away from the tree stooges, who after a few good jokes and a laugh went back to the business at hand,we finished off his gatorade... But when we mention head of lettuce all of us break out laughing.
Well the story has been told, but this is an afterthought. All that stuff happened a good five years ago, and we all have grown since then. The other day Ryan and I were shooting the shit(as we constantly do) I told him about writing this and he said "You know I learned something from that guy, he was right about paying attention." I'd say Jim's grown up a bit since then, but I still don't go to bars with him ...

5 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  2. Monsieur Ryan... makin' me swoon!

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  3. jimbo, you totally rock!

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