The following is a true occurance and has not been embellished in any way!
Well I have told this story many times but never thought I would put it down in print: what follows happened almost three years ago, and is as funny now as it was then.
My best friend Jim Ryan was working as a fire fighter with forestry service at the time and had just met the future mother of his son. We had spent several hours at Kiva beach and had consumed mass quantities of beer(we could both put it away back in those days) and on arriving back at his house a arguement ensued between Ryan an TyVera, he came storming out to the truck and asked to get some more beer (like we needed it) and we proceeded to the liquor store, well Ty followed us and while Ryan was in the store she stole his fire boots out of the warthog. Upon discovering this Mr. Ryan goes into a rage( to fight fires requires a pair of good boots and a pager to be on call ) and goes back in and gets a quart of Jack Daniels ( former beverage of choice ) and we go up to Twin Peaks 4x4 trail and drove up to what is referred to as the Stair Steps, I didn't have a spare at the time and stopped there at the bottom. We started in on the wisky and were sitting on a big log. Jim gets my axe from the hog and walks over to a fairly large pine and starts chopping on it, trying to discourage this I say "you would look pretty stupid if Forestry rolled up and you were choppin a tree in your Crew 19 t shirt" and I briefly looked away and as I glanced back he had stripped of all his clothes and continued chopping in his Yankees cap as if nothing changed. Oh my god! I fell to the ground laughing, I have never laughed so hard for so long in my life! Absoultely the funniest thing I have ever witnessed bar none! I sat and watched and laughed until my sides hurt and I couldnt breathe.
After recuperating and realizing I had no idea where this tree was going to fall (or when) decided to move the hog out of the truck crushing zone, and pulled down the trail a few hundred yards. At around nightfall I noticed three sets of headlights coming up the road.
I guess Jim noticed them too because I turned around and he was gone, like a naked bigfoot, out in the forest (found out later he was hiding behind some rocks listening to everything). So three countie mounties show up and here I am alone near a severely damaged pine tree. They claim that someone reported a tree being chopped, but Jim still had the axe and his baseball cap. I said I don't know nothin' they said we think you do and tossed the A-10 looking for a chopping implement and upon finding nothing but Ryans clothes and a empty bottle they put their little heads together and decided to write me a FEDERAL ticket for defacing forestry property (which I never received a summons for! Sarge probably threw it out for lack of proof) and told me to get the hell out of there, which I gladly did. I boogied on down that road rapidly. Laughing all the way back to town. I stopped at the first pay phone and called TyVera and she was all like "What am I supposed to do?" and I said I'd go back except if they saw my truck again it would be Greybar Hotel for me..
Well we met up and drove back out there and after hearing the story we were both in tears laughing again. Well we had the dog running point and Bob Marley blasting from her truck hoping he would hear us, we searched about an hour,driving all the roads around there and not finding him went back home. When we pulled up to Ty's there he was still buck-ass, sitting in a lawn chair with a stolen towel in his lap.
I can't tell you his story of making his way back along the back-country forest or the razor wire fence or the creeping along the backstreets of Gardener Mountain wearing nothing but a smile (he lost his beloved Yankee hat somewhere between there and home) except to say he had us back in stiches again for another half an hour.
Well that is the God's honest truth and nothing more!